“I don’t feel like I missed anything as I pursued my dream. Rather, it’s my era of freedom and fun that I feel like I missed out on something.”
A Tale of Two Eras
1. The Dream Chaser
I have lived two very different lives. One was filled with passion, intensity, dream-chasing, friendship, adventure, discipline, and enthusiasm. The other was filled with hedonism, parties, alcohol, escapism, lack of responsibility, and “fun”.
When I was a young man, starting my freshman year at the University of Alabama, I was more disciplined and focused than I have ever been in my life. Out of the ether, a dream was placed in front of me, and I gave my all in that pursuit. I say that with no doubts.
During that pursuit, I sacrificed many things. I gave up nights out with friends and indulgent foods. I gave up comfort and pleasure. My time was spent working out, often twice each day. I studied hard too, even reading my chemistry textbook on Saturday morning before football games because I was struggling in the class. I was on that grind, and I loved it. I loved it. Instead of going to the bars with my friends, I worked out. Instead of drinking, I studied at the library. Only once I had sufficiently put in the work I needed to do would I allow myself to have fun and let loose with my friends. And then that fun was earned.
2. The Pleasure Seeker
A few years went by. I tore my ACL. I got a girlfriend. Covid hit and I drank a lot. In a word, I got comfortable.
For years, I partied every night I could. I drank to oblivion constantly. I stopped working out as hard. Online classes no longer required me to study as much. I ran away from any commitment. I graduated and lost my grip on reality. All I wanted was to escape from the world and live in comfort and pleasure.
Looking back on this, I am saddened to see how far I let myself fall. But this period holds a goldmine of information.
Between these two periods of my life, which do I look back on more fondly?
Without a doubt, the disciplined and focused era.
This is interesting though. Because in the second era, I was still having fun. Actually, I was having more fun than I had ever had before in my life. Parties, alcohol, freedom, and no responsibility. And yet, I was miserable.
The disciplined and focused era is marked by memories of joy, laughter, love, relationships, adventure, and excitement. During this time, I gained so much self-respect. That then overflowed into all other areas of my life. It was a beautiful thing to witness.
FOMO Is a Lie:
Here’s the big takeaway from this study of two eras. During my era of hard work and sacrifice, I didn’t care about anything that I was supposedly “missing out on”. Even looking back on that time, I don’t feel like I missed anything as I pursued my dream. Rather, it’s my era of freedom and fun that I feel like I missed out on something.
When I was fully and completely pursuing my best, the sacrifices were towards a higher goal, which made everything worth it. When I no longer made those sacrifices, and enjoyed pleasure and comfort, I lost all sense of meaning and life enjoyment, even though I was having more “fun” on paper.
What I Wish I Could Tell My Younger Self:
If I could go back, this is what I would tell myself during my era of hedonism and escapism.
“You don’t need more freedom. You don’t need more fun. Life isn’t about parties. Nor is it about escaping responsibility. What you need is discipline. Discipline in pursuit of a dream.”
“What you need is to sacrifice pleasure and embrace growth, even if it might be painful. Work when you don’t feel like working. Abstain when you don’t feel like abstaining. Get control over your body and mind once more. Stop running away from the world. Stop escaping into your vices of food, alcohol, porn, and video games. The life you’re looking for is found on the path of hard-work and sacrifice… not on the path of parties and pleasure.”
“You think that by giving up life’s comforts, experiences, and pleasures, that you will miss out on the world. You think that by sacrificing your freedom to do anything, you will feel as if you’re being left out.”
“But that’s wrong. You won’t ever regret sacrificing the things that are holding you back. Those momentary pleasures pass by in an instant. What lasts is the results that come from your discipline and sacrifice. What lasts is your confidence and self-respect that stem from your strength and hard work. That’s the wellspring of life. Not ease and comfort, but struggle and striving.”
The Adventurous Mind 
Leave a comment